Heroic Parent Resources
Navigating the journey of the Heroic Parent is hard, but you are not alone, there is help for those of us on it. This is a list of support groups, podcasts and books to give you hope and help you on your own recovery, as well as affordable — not to mention excellent — treatment programs to help your loved one on theirs.
Free Support Programs
Association of Parent Support Groups Ontario (APSGO)
The Association of Parent Support Groups Ontario are run by trained parent volunteers who have also struggled with the difficult behaviour of their own child, youth or young adult. APSGO uses Choice Theory principles to help despairing parents develop effective strategies, set limits and boundaries, and build better relationships with their child so that everyone can lead happier lives. There are chapters throughout Ontario with many conducting on-line weekly meetings that offer a safe, non-judgemental environment in which to talk openly about our struggles.
1-800-488-5666 | mail@apsgo.ca | Visit apsgo.ca here
Al-Anon & Nar-Anon
The Al-Anon and Nar-Anon Family Groups are a worldwide fellowship for those affected by someone else's addiction, and is been as helpful to those who attend as Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous (AA and NA programs) are to the addict. These programs — which are not religious, but are a spiritual way of life — is based on the twelve steps approach. Millions of people have found that the working of these steps brings the solution to practically any life problem. Attendees ask for the wisdom and courage to see ourselves as we really are, to do something about ourselves with the help of a Higher Power as we understand this, and for the grace to release our addicts with love and cease trying to change them.
Al-Anon Information here | Nar-Anon Information here
Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA)
There are CMHA offices all across Canada that offer free counselling and local support groups for people struggling with their mental health and addiction and the loved ones that support them. They also have a program called Recovery Colleges which is modeled after traditional college but there are no tests, admission is free and everyone is welcome. The courses provide an innovative learning space where anyone can access free courses, webinars, workshops and events to gain new skills and connect with others in their community, there are also courses for caregivers of a loved one on their own recovery journey.
Find the closest CMHA office here | Information about Recovery Colleges here
Hope and Me, Mood Disorders Association of Ontario
Since 1985 Mood Disorders Association of Ontario has been a leader in group‐based and one-on-one peer support for individuals living with mood disorders and their families. Their Family Matters Peer Support and Recovery Program offers one-on-one family support, clinical support services, educational resources, psycho-educational programs, assistance with system navigation and support networks. 1-866-363-MOOD (6663) | More Information
The Family Navigation Project (FNP)
The Family Navigation Project (FNP) serves youth and young adults (11 to 29 years old) experiencing mental health and/or addiction issues and their families. FNP does not provide diagnosis, treatment, counselling or crisis services. Instead their team of experts helps young people, and/or their families, navigate the mental health system more easily. It is run out of Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre and helps families in the Greater Toronto Area (Durham, Halton, Peel, Toronto, York). Youth and families may also connect with FNP’s Youth Advocate with Lived Experience (YAL) or Parent Advocate with Lived Experience (PAL). These staff members provide peer support through personal experience.
1-800-380-9367 | familynavigation@sunnybrook.ca | More Information
The Sashbear Foundation empowers family members and communities with life transforming skills and hope through workshops and evidence-based programs. Sashbear’s Expert Education Series is a series of free, online, monthly presentations with international experts speaking on topics related to emotion dysregulation and family skills, if you miss a presentation you can view it in their presentation library. The Family Connections Program provides skills, support and hope for family members or friends of someone with emotion dysregulation to regain balance in their lives. It is an evidence-based program provided free by trained peer family members who speak from personal experience.
1-888-523-0495 | info@sashbear.org | More Information
Podcasts
This is an incredibly helpful Podcast series put together by Shar Jones, the mother of an addict. Shar conducts interviews with parents of addicts and experts who work in addiction recovery, and shares her own personal reflections to help shred the shame and highlight strategies that eliminate common stumbling blocks for families deeply impacted by substance abuse. I especially love episode 10 with Dr. Brad Reedy - Become Alive Again. During this powerful conversation, Dr. Brad Reedy explains why it’s imperative for parents to detach in a healthy way and why over-identifying with our children can have lasting consequences. Listen anywhere you get your podcasts or listen here.
Finding You: An Evoke Therapy Podcast Series
This podcast series is hosted by Dr. Brad Reedy, Owner & Executive Clinical Director of Evoke, a residential wilderness treatment program in Utah. These broadcasts offer parents and other family members the tools, insight, and support they need to navigate life’s challenges. Dr. Reedy offers a new way of thinking about what it means to take care of your own mental health and to support others. Browse and choose from hundreds of titles. His site also has live Webinars and blogs available. Visit the Evoke Website here.
Excellent Treatment Programs
(free or inexpensive)
Pine River Institute (Shelburn, Ontario)
A residential treatment program for 15-19 year olds that can also be best described as a therapeutic boarding school. Most students are there from 11 months to 2 years, and this programs mostly publicly funded with a small monthly fee (about $650), although there are also a few private beds for those that can afford to skip the waiting list. At Pine River Institute (PRI) they believe that effective change in their students and their families happens in a therapeutic milieu — an environment that is accurately attuned and empathic. Parents play a vital role in the Parallel Process, they work alongside their child as they make their way through the four phases of their PRI journey. Pine River's Moto is 'Hope is a Place', and that it is. My son attended this program and I can highly recommend it and am always happy to talk about it. Visit pineriverinstitute.com here
GWEK (Manatoulin Island, Ontario)
The Seven Grandfathers program is a free three month treatment program for Ontario Residents 19 years old and older. It is a wilderness treatment program that incorporates outdoor experiential learning while weaving in traditional therapeutic techniques with Anishinabek Culture. They also have a transition house that is optional for those that need more time to heal. Visit gwek.ca here
Caritas School of Life (Vaughan, Ontario)
A 24-month residential treatment program for men 19 and older that is divided into four 6-month phases. There are two living settings that form a safe and caring community at Caritas. Both facilities are large home settings with participants spending most of their time running a 104 acre working farm with cows, chickens, goats, alpacas and a donkey. Through these activities participants engage in the ongoing process of change through reflection, support and growth. Caritas is a safe space for each person’s unique healing journey to unfold. Approximately $1,500-1,800 per month. Visit caritas.ca here
Stonehenge Therapeutic Community (Guelph, Ontario)
Services range from a 42 bed long-term residential treatment program paid for by OHIP to a variety of community-based services along the harm reduction continuum including supportive housing, addiction medicine & withdrawal services, and community and justice programs. As a not-for-profit organization, these services are free of charge and can be accessed by anyone in the Guelph community. The residential program provides services to individuals coming from all over Ontario and out of the provincial and federal correctional system. Visit stonehengetc.com here
The John Volken Academy (Surrey, BC)
A 24-month co-ed treatment program that teaches self-reliance and leading by example. It also operates several enterprises that not only help fund the program but gives students valuable skills. During their second year students can return to school in an on-line classroom and complete or advance their education. It also has a working farm participants can work on and transitional housing when participants have graduated. The cost of this long-term residential program is a $5,000 one-time intake fee and refundable account for incidentals. Visit Volken.org here
Books
The Journey of the Heroic Parent: Your Child’s Struggle and the Road Home ~ Brad Reedy
Dr. Reedy uses his personal story and stories from thousands of clients to share wisdom on how parents can shift from relying on experts for advice, to learning how to think about parenting questions by truly understanding themselves and doing their own work.
The Audacity to Be You: Learning to Love Your Horrible, Rotten Self ~ Brad Reedy
In his second book Dr. Reedy talks about how all our relationships are connected to the relationship we have with ourselves. He demonstrates how the foundation for intimacy with partners, our ability to parent effectively, and the meaningfulness of our lives can be tied to how well we have unraveled our unique childhood history.
Parenting from the Inside-Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive ~ Daniel Siegel and Mary Hatrzell
This book explores the extent to which our childhood experiences shape the way we parent (noticing a theme here?) Drawing on stunning new findings in neurobiology and attachment research, the author's explain how interpersonal relationships directly impact the development of the brain, and offer parents a step-by-step approach to forming a deeper understanding of their own life stories, which will help them raise compassionate and resilient children.
Giving The Love That Heals ~ Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt
Harville Hendrix has illuminated the paths to healthy, loving relationships in his New York Times bestsellers Getting the Love You Want and Keeping the Love You Find. Now, with his coauthor (and wife), Helen Hunt, he brings us to a new understanding of the most profound love of all — the love for our child. This book helps parents nurture their own development as they encourage emotional wholeness in their children.
The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate ~ Harriet Lerner
This is a classic and the title says it all. Lerner has a series of books all with the title That Dance of... (fill in the blank... ie. Anger, etc.) that all follow the same format. Learner explains how we get stuck in the co-dependent cycle when we cave to what she calls 'change-back' behaviours, and how to do your own work to break free from unhealthy dynamics.
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself ~ Melody Beattie
Is someone else's problem your problem? If you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to someone else's, you may be codependent and you might recognize yourself in this book. This modern classic has been the healing touchstone for millions of people, it holds the key to understanding codependency and to unlocking its stultifying hold on your life.
Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom ~ William Glasser
Dr. William Glasser offers a new psychology that, if practiced, could reverse our widespread inability to get along with one another, which is the source of almost all unhappiness. He suggests that misery is always related to a current unsatisfying relationship where our core needs are not being met. For progress in human relationships, he explains that we must give up the relationship destroying external control tactics that are common in relationships. No one can change what happened yesterday, but we can choose behaviours for a better tomorrow.
In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction ~ Gabor Maté
In this profoundly original book, writer and physician Gabor Maté looks at the epidemic of various addictions in our society, tells us why we are so prone to them, and outlines what is needed to liberate ourselves from their hold. Starting with a dramatically close view of Maté's drug addicted patients, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts weaves in stories of real people while providing a bold synthesis of clinical experience, insight and cutting-edge scientific findings. A haunting, compassionate and deeply personal examination of the nature of addiction.
The Beyond Addiction Workbook for Family and Friends: Evidence-Based Skills to Help a Loved One Make Positive Change ~ Jeffrey Foote, Kenneth Carpenter & Carrie Wilkens
From the authors of Beyond Addiction and who created the Invitation to Change approach, this healing and supportive workbook offers practical, evidence-based skills to help you address substance use or other compulsive behaviours with your loved one in a productive way and without creating conflict. You’ll also gain a greater understanding for their struggle, and learn essential strategies for improving communication and coping with your own feelings. Whether your loved one seems reluctant to change, or is actively seeking support, this workbook will give you the tools needed to help them on their journey.